Sometimes I’m afraid. Thats hard for me to admit, I like to view myself as a strong person. I pride myself (probably too much) on being able to handle what comes at me with efficiency and affectivity. But when it comes down to it, when I open the closet door and check in on all my skeletons I realize I am just simply that, afraid. I’m afraid I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough or attractive enough. I’m afraid I’ll fall into the lumps of categories I put other people into. I’m terrified of failure, I might fail school, I might fail my family I might fail in my relationships. I might be kicked out, cast out, and spit at by my biggest foe, my very self. You see I’ve set the standards. I’ve created the expectations as high or as low as they might be. Its tempting sometimes to hide away and make no action as to meet no failure. I can’t do that either though, I’m not satisfied with that road. My fears are mine alone even though I’m sure we all share them. I want to harness my shortcomings and use them as steam to power forward, instead of cowering below these thoughts.
So what’s my conclusion? Where do these realizations bring me? No where particularly, I find solace in putting down my thoughts, inspecting my being finding resolution through realization. Roosevelt said “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.” I’m not sure if he was correct in context but here I can grab those words and nod my head in agreement.
