Thoughts

Choice, love and humanity

sarahjl167 — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 15:20:10 +0000

I’ve been almost consumed with thoughts of humanity lately. Sad thoughts, in my mind realistic thoughts. I don’t know if these new thought patterns are a sign of growing older, a sign that I’m swallowing that bitter pill we call “reality”. What I do know is they make me unbearably sad and hopeless. Yet however I spin it I can’t get away from my realizations that humanity is a lost, broken and pitiful race. Or that no matter the good we create we continually wreck this beautiful earth till its groaning in complaint. The dark has been snuffing out the light in my perspective, something that is new and unwelcome in my mind.
This morning though I was thinking of someone I love and how just being around him makes me smile and feel safe. With this thought I slowly made the realization just what a blessing that is. Despite our shortcomings as a race, despite the pain and hardships we conflict on ourselves we still have these beautiful things like love & companionship. The ability to be with one another and have this bring and give happiness is an unbelievable treasure that has been programmed into this world. And then my pessimistic mind chimes in “yea but look what we can do to each other; look at the trust that can be broken, the bodies that can be harmed. Its best to avoid these joys because look at these pains”. Sure, OK thats also true, and many people choose a path that avoids the risk of these pains but it also avoids the possibility of these pleasures. But the pure power of that decision, the ability in this hectic and confusing world to share together with another being. That is a gift, one that I feel is so specific to our race and that should not be ignored and wasted.
So with that realization I continue on my day. Realizing yes, somethings in this life are ugly and despairing but within all that there is unbelievable beauty. Like being able to call a friend and communicate your thoughts or lying close to someone and feeling their heartbeat. Having the capability to love, this unlocks human potential in a way no other thing will.

water; everyone drinks it, everyone writes about it

sarahjl167 — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 23:47:21 +0000

Found this in some stored papers, I wrote it 7/10. I like it, I like even more that I was meditating on the essence of water two days before I discovered this long lost piece of art.

“My life is a turbulent river.
Each year a new stretch of water passing on.
Ever in motion, constantly moving, shifting, changing
At times there are smooth pools of water,
flowers flourishing on the banks the water continues on it’s course
but takes a respite to swirl and rest.

Other times there are rushing currents.
Brush and debris caught in the flow,
whipping around creating a dam
to stop the water’s flow.
Yet onward it continues.

There are waterfalls;
heavy crashing moments at times too loud,
too strong for a mind to comprehend.
But onward the river flows.
Always moving unfaltering in it’s effort
to arrive wherever it needs to be.

The seasons caress the river.
Cold harsh winters, beautiful autumn days,
leaves floating downward gliding upon the waters.
Onward, Onward.

Each month, each year the river continues to flow.
with great force
or only at a trickle.
But always with a perseverance that is strength

From which our being comes our life can be seen
as a river.
flowing to an unknown destination.
Through changing landscapes
through many paths.
Crossing with others; sharing their waters then onward,
onward continuing their path.”

Someone else’s thoughts

sarahjl167 — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 18:15:08 +0000

Well with finals, gross weather, holiday bustle and a variety of other things happening in my sphere of existence I haven’t had time to think or write anything even slightly interesting to myself, much less blog worthy :] But I have had some time to read and found some interesting thoughts put down by others. So take a look and tell me what you think. . . These are excerpts from “Perfect Health” by Deepak Chopra

Chapter 1 Invitation to a higher reality “when the forces acting against life gain the upper hand, the body has no choice but to deteriorate over time. On the other hand, if we learn to live in balance from the deepest level, our inner growth has no foreseeable limits” pg 17

Dr. Chopra is here talking about the “quantum body” which he suggests is the real source of all human growth, power, life in general. without proper attention though we can abuse and neglect our quantum body leaving ourselves vulnerable to the other things of this world; stress mental & physical, disease from this stress or disease from foreign bodies. He also suggests culturing this quantum body will save us even from aging. Not sure if I would subscribe to that thought but I do appreciate the ideas of a deeper level far beyond what we already understand of our bodies and I know from my own experience that balance (in all areas individually and conjointly) is of the utmost importance.

Chapter 7 Opening the Channels of Healing. the section of meditation is an awesome summary and clarification of what and how meditation is.

“In fact when you really examine the background static of guilt, worry, resentment, wishful thinking, fantasy, unfulfilled hopes, and vague dreams in your head, it becomes clear that the internal dialogue going on inside is literally controlling us. Each of us is a victim of memory. . .Behind the screen of our internal dialogue, there is something entirely different: the silence of a mind that is not imprisoned by the past. . .Silence is the birthplace of happiness” pg 122

I love this description. Its true for me. At times i covet silence, i often will imagine myself somewhere completely silent, like a mountain top or a field near the house I grew up in. I find myself disliking the hustle and bustle of a city and prefer instead silence in nature. Although I talk a great deal I have a hard time with a TV or music playing, noise noise and lights ahh drives me insane. Then there is the noise of my mind, of my own creation and a source of endless frustration. Finding center and balance requires silence. I get this desire sometimes that is best described as wanting to start at square one, I want to wipe my slate clean and move forward, not because I don’t like my past or something but because there is just so much! so much effecting my now. The past and the present the outside and the inside. Dr. Chopra insists there is an internal silence that is not created but is instead is an original, a natural piece of our being.

“Meditation is a kind of letting go, allowing yourself simply to be. and when you permit that to happen, your attention will always fly back to the silent, peaceful, unchanging level we simply call self. The self is home base for the mind, and by returning to it, you infuse your mind with the same peace and silence.” pg. 126

Neat aye? check out his book! It’s a good starting place for this kind of body-mind thinking.

be warned I havn’t a plan for this post. . .

sarahjl167 — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 20:57:36 +0000

It’s always striking to me to realize how young I am. You see, to me I am as old as the earth. The earth didn’t exist before I tread on it. For this reason its always a little shocking when I realize the time I (hopefully) have before me. It interests and perplexes me when I see men and women in there 80′s and 90′s and they are so different from me, they think and speak so different from myself. There are of course many differences but the biggest must be the time.

I was reading an interesting description of amoeba (I realize that could sound like sarcasm but I’m being serious) in a book, Perfect Health by Dr. Deepak chopra. He talked about how they reproduce by splitting themselves and creating a new life form. So the “offspring” of the “mother” amoeba has her being in his being, so you could say logically that the amoebas of today are the same from thousands of years ago. Thats neat. I know maybe us human’s do something similar when we reproduce but its just different enough to fascinate me.

Maybe I’ve been here before? Maybe something similar to this existence has happened before. Sometimes I swear I have done this road before. When I trace a thought back I can’t find the tangible origin. How do I know what I do? How do I react as I do? Why do I feel like this has been done before, that I’ve done this before. I have 21 years and I’m feeling this way. What will it be like when I have 76?

Mumford and Sons, cause I love them

sarahjl167 — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 02:13:44 +0000

I apologize I couldn’t help but post these lyrics. I recently got into Mumford and Sons, maybe they are too “pop-y” for you? a bit too trendy maybe? ahh but their lyrics, intelligent on quite a few levels. And they reference my all time favorite author (John Steinbeck) in a few of their songs

Awake My Soul

“How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don’t know
This weakness I feel I must finally show

Lend me your hand and we’ll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I’ll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see
But your soul you must keep, totally free
Har har, har har, har har, har har

In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life
In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life

Awake my soul, awake my soul
Awake my soul
You were made to meet your maker
Awake my soul, awake my soul
Awake my soul
You were made to meet your maker
You were made to meet your maker”

One thing I would suggest to Mumford though, I always sing that line “you were made to meet your maker” with the word ‘whole’ attached at the end.

“you were made to meet your maker whole”

I don’t know I think it’s a nice touch. Maybe i’ll remix it ;]

Ocean

sarahjl167 — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 15:26:01 +0000

Flower

sarahjl167 — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 15:25:00 +0000

whining for desires on a silver platter

sarahjl167 — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 20:40:52 +0000

I have a spare minute or so and I really should be working on my scholarship applications but during class today I got thinking and I want to share what was on my mind.
Higher education. I’m working on my second year of college, after a deferral, a change of major and a transfer I am finally on the path to what I hope will be my life’s career. I enjoy school. I like to study because I love to learn. I just feel good in the academic world, it speaks to me of opportunity, of new windows I’ve never seen out of and so on and so forth. So as I’m sitting in my 6:30-9 pm lecture the professor begins covering logistics and such, then he reaches for a marker to write on the white board. There is none, luckily he brought his own in his briefcase. . .Hold on, my thousands of dollars in tuition and student fees can’t provide a white board marker? What about the rest of my classmate’s then? I know our money is not going to pay his salary. . . The lights are flickering above the stained carpet so I don’t think the funds are going into maintenance of these buildings.
Then that got me thinking. Higher education huh? what an interesting system I find myself in. I’m taking a health class where they are focusing on balance of stress, diet etc. Yet I wonder how I can seriously be expected to balance anything with two jobs in an attempt to keep up with tuition or 5 classes in order to stay on track to graduate anywhere near the alloted time before my financial aid runs out. Or nutrition? How can students balance their bodies when the food offered on campus is processed and added on to until it can hardly be called food anymore. I’m not the only one experiencing these things though, of course not. My friend who also attends a public NH university was talking to me about her schedule and how she needs to find more things to fluff up her resume. She needs an internship along with her full class load, and she should probably have a job just to have some money. Oh and our GPA’s need to stay above a certain number or our funding and desirability will be threatened. Then to put the icing on it all I read a report that says the salary differences between a bachelor degree holder and someone without a degree is almost null and void because of the loans that college students graduate with.
Its tough. Its like rolling a rock up hill or punching underwater. I want my degree though. I want to take these classes and learn all this stuff. Never mind the social aspect of being educated versus not. I don’t want to make millions, I don’t have plans that I’ll run people over to fulfill. I just want to do this thing that I’ve been told to do, so I can work doing what I want to do. I have this sneaking suspicion I’m just in a game played by something much bigger than me.

time & melancholy

sarahjl167 — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 20:10:10 +0000

I imagine my face, not as in a mirror but as I see it. In my minds eye I am something of a mix of past and future. I’m the best and worst of what I know of myself. This face is more than a picture, it’s a sum of all my being. I see it soft and beautiful as we all wish to be, innocent. Filled with sunshine and smooth, living in a world where reality is light and easy. But then I see a crust beginning to form. Maybe it began long ago when I realized what anger can look like. Or a sum of the pain of loss, of time. Life like sun will beat upon a countenance, turning it tough, leathery. I see each betrayal, tear, angry work working upon my face to change it. I see physical pain; hunger, abuse of my hand, abuse by others. I see fear glazing over my eye. I see hopelessness scrubbing the former shine away. Each moment beats itself into me until there is nothing left of the soft beauty from before. What is left is aged, tired, broken. The skin is cracked from the blaze of the sun. The mouth drops as if in defeat. The eyes are listless, heartbreaking eyes.
Is this time? Is this what becomes of us all?

Mother Teresa

sarahjl167 — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 14:00:06 +0000